I was playing in the soft, long grass when the sun went behind the clouds. When everyone was gasping, “HELP!” in my head, then my mum roared, “The weather it’s changed for the worst of it!” I ran in my small house, the storm came and sucked it up, went bashing though my tiny house and burned it up. Within a second all of my wardrobe fell on me, “AHHH!”
The sun was going straight though my window and I was little, not even little, smaller then smaller then smaller. “What am I going to do now?” I sighed. Mum sighed ”please help me now…”
By Lauren - Ash Class.
G-R-E-A-T
ReplyDeletethx mr k for putting it thx
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren,
ReplyDeleteLove your writing, it's great! But the only thing I picked out was the last bit of speech, "please help me now..."The please needs a capital letter! But other than that I LOVED it!!!!
Love the querkiness about it! A-MAZ-ING!
ReplyDeletethx everyone so much for commenting.Looking forward to reading yours
ReplyDeleteSorry i men't to say A-MAZ-ING!
ReplyDeletehi i am on the blog now!
ReplyDeleteok thx becky
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren
ReplyDeleteWell done for being the 1sst to post a story on this week's 100WC. Your use of speech really brings your piece alive and great use of adjectives - well done.
Well Done Lauren, you have set out your work very well although you may just need to look over it to see where you could add some punctuation. Apart from the minor mistake it was a brilliant story. You started off describing your nouns in a spectacular way. Well Done!
ReplyDeletegr8
ReplyDeleteLauren you have used some fantastic vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThis was really good. I liked it.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job
ReplyDeleteThat was very interesting.
ReplyDeleteSt. John Vianney
Great job Lauren. It was very interesting.
ReplyDelete(Mac) Saint John Vianney School
That was the best story I have read today.
ReplyDeleteThx Saint John Vianney School for all the coments
ReplyDelete