Gosh Ceri - what lovely neat writing you have! I loved your first sentence about the sea gushing endlessly - I felt as if I was there and could hear it.
I also liked the idea of the chocolate trail with the rabbit at the end.
I agree with Charlotte that your story would be even better if you could think of an alternative to 'endlessly' for your second sentence so that you don;t repeat the word.
I enjoyed reading your 100 word challenge, Ceri. I too liked the opening sentence. It grabbed my attention and draw we in. I also liked the way you described getting dressed. You got across the speed of it without being too obvious. Can you think of any other ways to start some of your sentences? You have used I a lot. Could you change it? Keep up the good work and beautiful handwriting. Mrs Sutton (team100wc)
I think your's is really great I really dont think you can maybe think about the end . But i can't really understand your writing but I really like it.
Ceri - this is a super 100wc! I especially like the first sentence of your story - it's beautiful - really well done!
ReplyDeleteTo improve, maybe you could think about the ending - it feels a bit rushed - what else could have happened?
A fantastic effort - keep it up!
Mr K :-)
I think it is a bit rushed SORRY
DeleteHi Ceri great 100wc I like your endlessly but you could use another word insted of it twise. But still great. Charlotte.=]=]=]=]
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your 100wc Ceri, as Mr K said, love your 1st sentence!
ReplyDeleteMabye to improve it you could think of a different word to 'and'?
You should be very proud of yourself!
This is so descriptive Ceri, and really gives a feeling of the setting.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Gosh Ceri - what lovely neat writing you have! I loved your first sentence about the sea gushing endlessly - I felt as if I was there and could hear it.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the idea of the chocolate trail with the rabbit at the end.
I agree with Charlotte that your story would be even better if you could think of an alternative to 'endlessly' for your second sentence so that you don;t repeat the word.
Cool Ceri- I love that very first sentence about the sea gushing endlessly! Its also very descriptive! Plus lovely hand writing!
ReplyDeleteGood Job!
I enjoyed reading your 100 word challenge, Ceri. I too liked the opening sentence. It grabbed my attention and draw we in. I also liked the way you described getting dressed. You got across the speed of it without being too obvious.
ReplyDeleteCan you think of any other ways to start some of your sentences? You have used I a lot. Could you change it?
Keep up the good work and beautiful handwriting.
Mrs Sutton (team100wc)
Hello Ceri,
ReplyDeleteI think your's is really great I really dont think you can maybe think about the end . But i can't really understand your writing but I really like it.