A young lady asked “how can I help you?”
“How do you get to the church?”
“Go strait on then turn left.” Said the lady.
But the lady sent her the wrong way so she was late.
“Oh no” said the lady. She was late for church what was she going to do? So she asked another lady but the lady said “NO I am not going to help you.” So that lady did not now what to do.
So if anyone body asked to help do not send then the wrong way. Unless you are bad.
By Amber - Ash Class.
Hi Amber your 100 word challenge is great but next time use names instead of lady lady. But apart from that i love it. Charlotte
ReplyDeleteThat's a really good suggestion, Charlotte! It's always a great idea not to repeat the same word too often.
DeleteMr K :-)
Hello Amber. I felt very sorry for this poor lady being so late for church. You used some interesting punctuation in your writing, such as speech marks, and you remembered to start a new line for your new speakers. Can you think of a different way to open your sentences instead of 'So' ?
ReplyDeleteTo Amber maybe use a name for the lady and the other is really goood about going to church
ReplyDeleteHi Amber, I really like the way that you made your character upset because of how all the people she asked gave a negative speech. Try and add correct punctuation and keep in mind that 'said is dead!' Check yur work next time.
ReplyDeleteCool Amber, that was very good! I like the fact you havn't said 'I'. I find it really hard not to use first person when I write 100wc's, well done!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could improve it by letting us know who speaks when, or include some connectives?
Very good Amber!