Here is Molly's stunning piece of writing:
I could feel the mustyness of the wet trench tickling my nose. "All ready boys? Were going in..." I knew there was not turning back now... A sudden sudder shot straight up my weak spine, this was a matter of life or death... Suddenly a deathening boom shook the muddy trench, "Thats the sound of war boys.." Then I knew it was time.... " Over you go boys, its time to face the enemies." I shuddered in the freezing cold, knowing that I would soon lie on my death bed. The world kept on turning around me, I couldn't keep my balance. Before I knew it I was on the floor pouring blood. I dragged myself along the bloody battlefield, realising that my live was dangerously at risk. The floor shook violently as the terrific bombs exploded in the distance. I knew this was the end. Soon most of my team mate were lieing on the bloody battlefields with me, but some were still hanging on to there dear lives. Screams rattle my ears as was slowly dieing in pain and anger, I knew we were going to lose this dreaded war. Another bulit stuck me in the chest, I tried to scream for help but I simply didn't have enough breath.
And here is Isaac's wonderful piece:
I stood like a statue behind the only tree in miles. Suddenly flashes of light came past me, it was a bullet. I quickly got my heavily amoured machine gun out and started firing back, with my men all around me doing exactly the same. Many people were falling and dying, shouting out their last words at the same time. I could see a frightening Panzer tank charging over the hill. Steadily and slowly, its massive cannon was making its way around to shoot us. Was I going to die? Thankfully, one of my crew had brought a Sherman along to this attack. The Sherman happily (and luckily) fired directly at the Panzer and blew it up immediately! Our men quickly moved foward, we now had this one in the bag! With many people dead, we had won the battle at No Man's Land.
I'm hugely proud of the work both of you produced - well done!
Mr Kenyon, I forgot to add 's' at the end of team mates! Sorry!
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologise - stunning writing!
DeleteThanks, Did you like Rosie's work, it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g!
DeleteThe Live writing session was really busy and manic, but I still really enjoyed it! At first we heard a short explaination, and then we had to think of words that came into our heads. After that we had to use thoughs thoughts and put them into sentnces. There was loads of good ones! And then we just bulit up a short story! AND THE NIGHT ZOO KEEPER WAS ON THERE LOOKING AT OUR WORK! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G © Isaac
ReplyDeleteStunning work last night Molly and Isaac and was impressed with how you edited and improved your work. Both finished up with some amazing writing. Well done both of you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mr Morris! I'm really glad that you enjoyed our pieces! Hopefully you will soon read some more! :-)
DeleteHi Molly,
ReplyDeleteWow, your writing truly is amazing. I love how you have created a picture in my mind of the battle field. You have also used a multi-sensory approach, which is fantastic. 'The floor shook violently as the terrific bombs exploded in the distance'.
I would like to read more about this character, perhaps you could write the story of how he found himself on the battle field that day.
Keep up the great work,
Night Zookeeper
www.nightzookeeper.com
Thankyou for commenting! I am really glad that you enjoyed reading mine and Isaac's Live writing! Hopefully you will read more of mine and Isaac's Live writing again! :-)
DeleteHi Isaac,
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of this piece of writing is marvellous. They way you describe the soldier standing behind the 'only tree in miles' creates a desolate image of destruction. I also love the technical vocabulary you have included in this piece,such as 'no man's land'. Can you describe to your readers what this means?
I look forward to reading your 1000 word challenge this week.
Night Zookeeper
www.nightzookeeper.com
Thank you reading my live writing piece. No mans land was a huge battle in WWI, lots of people were injured and many more were killed. Please keep commenting on my work! Isaac
DeleteWell Done Isaac and Molly, these live writing storys are really good. Well Done
ReplyDeleteThanks Chloe! You should of asked Mr Kenyon to do it,Its really fun! :-)
DeleteWow!!! Fantabulous work Isaac and Molly, I loved reading your work. you must have put a lot of work into this
ReplyDeleteSamG
Thanks for commenting Sam! I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading mine and Isaac's Live writing story! You shpuld of done it, you would of been great!
DeleteWell done Isaac! I really enjoyed your piece of writing! Hopefully we will be reading each others Live writing again! :-)
ReplyDeleteMolly I love how you have used speech in yours, really effective. Isaac I feel like I am there by your side in yours! Well done
ReplyDeleteHi molly and issac, you have used some amazing words. I can now imagine my self in your battle grounds. You used a lot better words than just "I died" or "We won the army". Keep it up.:):):):):):)<3
ReplyDeleteCharlotte
Great writing, Molly and Isaac!
ReplyDeleteYou have fantastic writing skills!
Isaac, you're a wonderful writer! Your juicy details made me visualize the story in my head. Keep it up with it!
ReplyDeleteHaruka
ReplyDeleteLOVE your writing you guys are awesome!